“I seriously don’t understand how you survive without me sometimes”



what I wanted to tell Flo today (28/12/14):

  • I feel like Ron Weasley is a really undervalued character.
  • I never got over my year 6 desire to have a lava lamp.
  • I don’t always wanna tell you deep stuff, I just miss having conversations about how our days went. I texted you more than anybody. I haven’t read back over our texts yet.
  • I’ve stopped crying when I hear Shake It Off though. that means it doesn’t remind me of your last months any more and your great bravery and I hate it. I don’t want to forget the things that make me think of you.

what I wanted to tell Flo today (27/12/14):

  • I thought the Downton Abbey Christmas special was total bullshit because they used rape as a means to further the plot again and it wasn’t okay the first time and dang when will male writers learn you can develop your female characters without hurting them!!! but Thomas got a lot of screen time so you probably would have liked it.
  • I’ve started working really hard revising. doing immunology is still hard.
  • Christmas was okay, you know? we never really do Christmas. my dad came over and was awkward, what’s new. but me and my mum and sister sat around watching tv after that, and even though our dynamic has felt kind of off since I left home it felt cozy. Christmas spirit-y, I guess. I just can’t imagine it was easy for your family. I didn’t know whether to write them that I was thinking of them or to leave them alone because Christmas is a day for family and not your dead family’s friends. I still can’t get over what good people they are. they deserve better than to be without you.
  • Rev B liked the facebook pic of my ‘happy birthday Jesus’ banner though.

what I wanted to tell Flo today (24/12/14):

  • I bought myself a Hawkeye shirt for Christmas, but it’s like Hawkeye’s size too, I accidentally got a men’s large.
  • I made wrote ‘Jesus’ under the ‘happy birthday’ banner in the kitchen to turn it into a Christmas decoration. you’d laugh at all this stuff.
  • I still can’t quite make myself work and be a productive human. I feel like Lydia Martin screaming when Allison Argent dies. every second I’m awake, I feel like I’m screaming for you.

what I wanted to tell Flo today (22/12/14):

  • it’s been less than two weeks since you died and people are already starting to judge me for thinking and talking about you so much. they act embarrassed when I bring you up. I can’t help it, you were a huge part of my life. you still are.
  • someone on tumblr pointed out how Jewish the song the song ‘Ya Hey’ by Vampire Weekend is when you really listen to the lyrics, and it blew my mind. it would have blown your mind.
  • I’m grateful for Modern Vampires of the City and for knowing you.