what I wanted to tell Flo today (16/2/15):

  • R came down to see me and stayed over last night and it was lovely. we went to the hobbit pub and we all worked together to complete the ‘fellowship challenge’ and get her the free t-shirt. I was gonna send you the second one I got, but since it couldn’t I feel really happy it went to one of our friends. like I’m still taking care of the pack in your absence. and toasted one to you.
  • we were playing cards against humanity at the same time and for, “what kills my sex drive?” somebody put, “all my friends being dead” and me and R just had to laugh because it was… too real.
  • we also danced to Shake It Off and didn’t cry and we talked into the night. a little about missing you, a little about other stuff. R had a friend who died right before you did, so we’re both in the two timers club and we’re both exceedingly tired and engaging in bad habits and psychologically speaking not at our best. whack as it sounds, it was so nice to be with someone with dead friends who feels lonely and fucked up. she has other people at uni with her who knew you, and down here I’ve got no one so I’m the weird sad girl who nobody can really identify with. but with R, like with the others during the holidays, we’re all in the same boat and it’s a shitty, splintering, leaky fucking boat but I’ve got somebody to share the journey with. I really wish I’d gone to uni with a friend from home. but how could I have known how much I’d need them, one year ago.
  • there’s vintage lesbians on Call the Midwife now. I seem to remember you didn’t watch it but your mum did, but between Miranda and the lesbians I think you’d have to now.

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